New beginnings.

Those of you that read this and happen to be members of the LDS Church may be familiar with the phrase "New Beginnings". For those of you that aren't, it's the title of a special meeting held for the girls when they turn twelve. It introduces them to the Young Women (teenagers) program within the church, and represents all the new emotions, activities, etc that will happen since they have taken this next step toward maturity. I realize we use it within the church in reference to the girls but it seemed fitting to use it for my post title tonight as I write about Jordan, my now twelve year old son. Last night we celebrated Jordan's 12th year on earth. 12 years since he was placed in my arms for the first time, since the first time I kissed his sweet face, since we learned how to nurse together, and I learned what it is to be a mother. I'm still learning the last, and Jordan has been with me for every new step along the way. This past summer John took our first born child for a special father-son camping trip. Just the two of them out in the wild, enjoying each others company, and talking about the things a boy needs to know to become a man. I wasn't there for the trip, and that's as it should be. But because I wasn't there it didn't really hit me right away what a big milestone this is in my sons life. Last night was too busy for thinking, and not that I'm not busy tonight getting ready for Christmas, but tonight I have a moment to sit down and reflect on the 12 years that have passed and the many more we will have together. On the first Sunday in January Jordan will receive the priesthood; in a few more years he will graduate from high school, a few months from that he will go on a mission, then college and leaving home for good. The last years have flown by so quickly and the ones we have left seem so short. Jordan, you taught me to be the mother I am. Some things have been good and some not so good; as the oldest you bore the brunt of my learning experience. We've laughed, we've cried, but most of all we've loved. It may not seem like it sometimes, but I see the way you have grown and matured over the years and I look forward to the man you will one day be. The day will come when you will leave me for new horizons and a different kind of love and I will let you go with a smile on my face because that's what good moms do. Don't think that it means I won't miss you every day; I will. But I'll also be comforted by the thought of what a good person you are and know that you'll make good choices even when I'm not there looking over your shoulder. So for now, I will cry a few tears for my sweet boy who is no longer a baby and then dry my eyes and make sure I spend the years I have left as the main woman in your life reminding you of how much I love you and how proud I am of you. And if occasionally I shed a tear or two for that baby boy, don't tease me too badly. Let me enjoy my cry and go on with your day knowing how much I love you.